


mountains that refuse to move

by busaikko



Series: snippets [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Reality, Doppelganger, M/M, Plotbunnies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-19
Updated: 2009-05-19
Packaged: 2017-11-05 14:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/407714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/busaikko/pseuds/busaikko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're not our John, Rodney says, and John doesn't even consider lying, because this is <i>Rodney</i>, and Rodney has always been able to read him like a book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	mountains that refuse to move

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a series of snippets that I turned up on the hard drive. Some of them have gone on to become bigger or different stories, others just... faded out.

You're not our John, Rodney says, and John doesn't even consider lying, because this is _Rodney_ , and Rodney has always been able to read him like a book.

He doesn't mean to say what he says, though, telling Rodney how he died and then telling him how he lived, how they fell in love, how he was willing to move mountains, stop time, change worlds just to have this _chance_ again.

I feel sorry for you, of course, Rodney says, and that's horribly wrong, not the way the conversation should go. But I don't _know_ you. Our John -- Rodney looks at him -- _my_ John would never do this. You don't know who he is. My John. What he means to the people here. You can't just walk in and fill his shoes: you don't know the first thing about how to be him.

No one else needs to know, John says, feeling a little crazy and a little like he's coming down off a high. They won't ever find out, Rodney.

Not if I help you, I suppose, Rodney says, and that's, that's exactly what John had thought. That Rodney would be his ally. Rodney _should_ , because --

I love you, John says, holding his hands clenched tight even as he makes himself give up his most closely held secret. I've loved you for a long time.

No, Rodney says, tilting his head opposite to the tilt of his mouth and giving John a wry look that borders on pity. You don't _know_ me. If you did know me, you'd know that I could never forgive someone who's done what you're doing.

You could, just this once, John says, and he feels as if he's coming out of battle, his head in two places at once, horrified by what he had to do and coldly accepting that it had to be done and hating that by doing it, he's made himself into something not-John. Something alien and wrong. Please, he adds, because he can't even sell himself this bill of goods any more, please. Rodney. Please.

Rodney's mouth tilts more, and then he shakes his head. I don't have the time to talk. I need to get my John back.

What about me? John asks, as every part of the brilliant future he'd blinded himself on darkens and falls around him.

You can go to hell, Rodney says, fast and vicious, and that wipes John clean, empties him out, breaks his heart all over again.


End file.
